Theodore has also taken up toilet bowl fishing and expanding his art skills to the wall, furniture, and himself. Because coloring on paper is just so limiting to the toddler creative skills. And why play in tub water when you have access to the toilet water all the time. A toddlers exploration days of fun.
We also have Arianna's surgery date officially confirmed for Friday November 20th in Boston.
School enrollment is fast underway. School supplies are almost done.
The only thing lacking is my happiness. I am just unhappy. I keep telling myself to keep busy, to craft, to get out and walk. But the heaviness in my mood is very down and weighs heavily upon me. Not being able to get pregnant has really taken me on a downward spiral fast. It is emotionally draining on me when my period starts again. I try to be positive and tell myself, "another cycle that could possibly be the one to end with a Big Fat Positive". But this cycle that positivity just hasn't worked. Maybe it is the hormonal shift since I have weaned. I don't know for sure. It is also hard to hear twice now that my cycles look good. My NFP instructor even scored my cycle and it fell within normal. Just so hard for me to have this out of my hands. It is also hard on me because I can't just freely open about this personal struggle because so many people would just criticize me for wanting more and proceed to tell me I am not happy for the kids I have or I wouldn't feel this way. Or people will offer me words that right now I just don't want to hear. I don't need advice or told what I should be doing. Believe me my mind already tells me what I should be doing but the heaviness of my unhappiness weighs more on me then the desire or want to actually keep busy. This cycle has been the hardest for me.
