Saturday, April 15, 2017

Here WE Go

It  has once again came around to that decision of do we try, do we abstain, or do we whatever.

Most typically when I breastfeed, I am very fortunate that my cycle will hold off for about a year after baby is born.  This baby I stopped breastfeeding around 7 months.  Our baby didn't sleep for longer then 15-20 minutes for naps during the day.  I was feeling so drained and exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was breastfeeding continuously during the night.  He was never content but instead always very fussy, whatever sleep he would get was a very restless sleep.  He cried a lot.  He was constantly getting cold after cold.  I understand that babies are building the immunity but this was not normal.  His poops were a frothy green sometimes filled with mucous.  Again not normal.  Finally after a lot of sleepless nights, hard to get thru days, and questioning everything about being a mother, I made the decision to try formula.  At first he seemed to be ok. But after a few days all symptoms would return.  I finally researched on kellymom.com and found that sometimes babies can have a sensitivity/allergy to the protein in cows milk.  Now I wasn't giving him cows milk directly but I would consume cheese with tacos, eat cottage cheese, eat ice cream.  All things that I love.  I thought perhaps it was lactose intolerance as it does effect some relatives.  But again he wasn't taking to those formulas either.  I didn't have it in me to remove all forms of dairy.  I lived off quick easy to grab food because again when baby is inconsolable you are desperate.

I read more about similac alimentum.  I didn't hesitate and bought that pricey can of formula.  The BEST decision I felt I had made as a mother for my baby.  He SLEPT!  I mean this baby of mine SLEPT and not just slept but he slept peaceful and calm.  It wasn't because I was lazy or a bad mother.  No thrashing and crying out.  His poops cleared up!  Yes I was excited for poop.  We also discovered he doesn't tolerate eggs, bananas, or soy. We stick to the basic veggies for now.  It is like Hunter is a whole different baby.  He smiles, he is scooching his bottom along the crawl.  No he doesn't crawl he sits up and scooches.  It is quite silly to watch.  He wants to play on the floor.

But with the switch to formula has meant the return of my period.  We have chosen to practice NFP (natural family planning).  We use creighton model.  WE get to communicate every day about if we want to try, abstain, or whatever.  For now I just don't know what I want.  That is ok.  I don't want the heartache of worry about what if I miscarry or what about testing and it is negative.  That disappoint is real and it doesn't feel good.  But we learn to keep moving forward.  We get to talk thru this every day and make a decision what we feel is the best for us.

This month I went on ahead and put an order in for some inexpensive tests and one box of the better tests.  They came Friday.  I don't know what we will decide and that is ok.


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