We did get pregnant and I did need progesterone for the first 13 weeks. This was a first for me. I had the typical hyperemesis gravidurum that hits me the first twenty weeks at least. But this pregnancy decided that it needed to stay around the whole nine months and then some. Yes after giving birth I had only one nurse question me about feeling sick after giving birth. Her words "well I don't understand why you would still be sick, you have had the baby." Ummm me either but I am going to throw up and I don't think pregnancy hormones exit out right after giving birth and we all go back to normal just like the snap of a finger. instead it takes time. I remained on half a unisom in the morning and the other half at bedtime until the last month where I needed a half during the afternoon because the sickness picked up again.
I did have these fainting spells that would occur out of no where with no cause so I was referred to a cardio dr. Where I got to wear this monitor called king of hearts for two weeks and when I felt the heart flutters or I felt faint I would push the button and it would record that episode. I had a sono of the heart and an X-ray and EKG. What we found out was that it was SVT or sinus ventricular tachycardia causing me to faint. My heart rate would go from 110 to 160-180 just like that. Sadly I was not able to have the heart flutters that I was experiencing during the two weeks. But I still had the flutters here and there and still do to this day. It is such an odd feeling. I also was out of breath just going to the bathroom. I felt like I was out of shape. It was not fun. Turning over in bed was a workout.
We had planned on a home birth but at my final ob appt my blood pressure shot up to numbers I have never seen. I typically run low during pregnancy and low in general. So again a new experience. Even the dr was shocked and I think confused and was hoping it was just a fluke. He let me go home and wanted me to come back the following day. So I did that. But it was still high 140/90. Being that I never experienced this before I finally made the decision it was best to go into the hospital to what I thought was to be monitored. Instead the plan was really to be induced since I was 40 weeks 5 days. My longest pregnancy to carry yet. I felt this immense pain because I was really desiring to birth at home. I kept it inside myself that deep pain and smiled on the outside. I pretended all was ok but I wasn't. I was disappointed in myself. I felt judgement by other home birth mom friends because I figured they would think it was because I didn't try hard enough, or I didn't take care of myself. Having HG is hard. And all 9 months I fought to get myself to just drink what I could which was a sweet tea and eat what I could keep down. But it is ok and will be ok because I am slowly learning to heal from this. After 14-16 hours of labor we had our baby boy. Our oldest was present for his birth and took pictures so that my husband could support me because he knew I was hurting.
I then went on to have postpartum hypertension and needed to be on medication for the first six weeks. I ended up swelling up even more after wards and made an er trip because my blood pressure kept going up. The er dr was so kind and amazing. He and the ob dr made the decision to let me go home and continue to watch my pressures. Which I did. But they slowly came down. Still nothing to what I typically run. I can now say at over 6 months out my blood pressure is almost back to normal. Sadly my postpartum weight is not. But hey we can't have it all. One thing at a time. Again something that I am learning.
We had also planned for a screw removal for our oldest and myself after giving birth, and scheduled an actual appointment with Dr. Millis for us both and for our 5th child who was at the time 7 years old. Our now 8 year old did have X-rays before but nothing showed besides some outward signs of the way she ran and the way her joints were. This set of X-ray confirmed what we suspected. Paylynn does have hip dysplasia. Interesting to me because previous X-rays showed nothing just outwards signs. I am also suspecting our 6 year old has some form of a hip issue himself again because of the way he runs. But we have decided to hold off with X-rays and focus on our oldest as she is still needing further surgeries to straighten out her lower legs as they turn very far inwards. Dr. Millis also agreed to hold off surgery for Paylynn and wait a few extra years when she can have the surgery her big sister Arianna had. Paylynn also is what they called "gummy bear" in other words she is very hyper mobile. My hip X-rays showed little change so the surgery was worth it and slowed the progression of losing more cartilage drastically. I was happy for that news. Our oldest was able to get her screws out but I was not due to my blood pressure. It had to be cancelled. The ob didn't feel comfortable with me having surgery and the anesthesia department agreed. I thought otherwise because it is a simple surgery. Oh well I still have my screws and now undecided as when they will be taken out. Again it was a huge disappointment to me. We had turned the trip into a vacation with just our girls and of course baby.
Overall my hips feel good and I am able to walk. That was until two weeks ago when I decided to walk up and down our stairs multiple times as I started soaping again. Yea! I mean that too with excitement. I enjoy crafting when I am not in the midst of a crying baby or demanding toddler or meeting the needs of the other six kids. But I do try to make some time to craft. So I was excited as I hadn't soaped since who knows how many months. I think I tried during pregnancy but the smells were too much and had to hold off. Then afterwards, baby was a whole different baby then our previous babies. He was a very fussy and restless baby. He cried a lot. He still cries a lot. I finally made the decision as did my husband that we would try formula. And at first he fought the bottle but he did eventually take it. So for the last few weeks now he gets a bottle during the day and I still breastfeed at night. But he is a restless sleeper. I also was going to do baby led weaning and cloth diaper him. But again, he is a very demanding baby and this is a first for me. And I don't need to add something that is going to increase the stress.
But in the midst of walking up and down our stairs I did something to my left hip because I was hobbling around for the rest of the week and still two weeks later still have this deep ache. the limping is getting better. So I am thinking I overstrained the labrum or a slight tear. I didn't go to the dr as the local drs don't really understand much about the hip issue.
I feel I have experienced lots of firsts. And that I am learning that I don't understand a lot at all. I have been feeling that jealousy and envy of friends who have had a home birth. I was looking forward to being able to have that experience but I didn't. I was far from that experience as I was induced something that was new to me. Having blood pressure issues was new to me. I wasn't able to have my hip screws removed so that is still in the undecided future as to when they can get removed. I had a lot of crap that was said to me after just having a baby. My husband was asked about how much weight I gained. I only know this because that evening I was in the tub soaking with the door open and he was on the phone and I heard. I cried because I had a lot of water weight from the pregnancy and caused me to swell. I think I was able to gain about 7 pounds from where I started due to progesterone but otherwise the HG really hit me hard. And yes I could smile thru terrible days, I am good at putting that smile on and covering the inner being of myself. That is not good always because sometimes the ugly needs to be seen so that the truth can be known. Then I was approached about how my decision to birth at home was terrible and I was given a good talk for a good 15 minutes. I had to excuse myself again to fight back tears. Again it was just days after giving birth, there was no congrats, or how are you. There was no concern as to how i was doing. I was told I should consider getting my tubes tied. I don't believe in contraception. If you do then ok but I don't. WE have chosen to practice NFP and yes it does work. I did end up with postpartum depression really bad. Zoloft didn't work and so I went to see the NaPro dr and she gave me a shot of progesterone which that made a world of difference.
I still am struggling with accepting that I didn't get to have a home birth. I also struggle with trusting in God's plan for me. I don't see what He has for me. I have been keeping an inspirational journal. I have had a lot of anger but it is really from that deep pain of hurt and suffering. It can be hard to take that deep pain and suffering and give it praise and thanks. Because really that pain and suffering can make us stronger. Make us grow into a better person. Again something I am trying to do for myself. I have failed so many times along the way. But I am trying. I am trying to do for others what I would want done for me. Again most of that means stepping out of my comfort. Perhaps sending that message or text and just checking in to see how someone is doing. offering a meal or setting up a meal for a family that needs help. Maybe speaking out for what I stand for or when someone has overstepped their say. These things are hard. Easy to type but hard to do because for some reason or other there is that hurt that wants to hold me back. And I am trying.
If you have made it this far, then give yourself a treat because it was long. It was like a year and a half condensed. So here is some pictures...
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| Hunter |
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| Biggest sister Arianna and littlest brother Hunter |
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| Vacation time---Husband and daughter |
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| Paylynn all dressed for her hip X-rays and rocking' those blue paper shorts |
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| The tiny beach was so beautiful and RELAXING! Emma and Paylynn |
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| Daddy and Hunter |
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| That smile but I was feeling soooo sick. I just wanted to be home with my comforts. HG is real and it is HARD. If you never have experienced it please don't offer advice just offer support. This is what a woman needs who suffers with HG. Because a good chance she has tried everything because HG leads to desperation. Why the support is needed greatly. Don't ask just bring her a meal. Come over and play with her kids. Start her laundry. Otherwise given the choice she will say no because to her it shows a sign of weakness and please don't hold this over head by telling her to contracept. Support her. |
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| Welcome to the world Hunter Matthias 6pounds 15ounces 19inches 1251pm--or close to it---i think "You will be my refuge, Lord. I will continue to ask things of You, but I will do my best to open my heart that life and suffering are something I need in order to be ready for what is truly real and waiting for me." |
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