Through the Sorrow

Last week is done, it is in the past.  The hurt and pain is still lingering.  Miscarrying is devastating.

It hasn't been an easy journey.  Last week I just really struggled to the point my husband was concerned and thought it best to make an appt with the NaPro dr.  I saw her that Friday.  She was wonderful.  She gave me a prescription for xanax for anxiety and to let her know that if I don't feel more like myself or just not getting better to let her know I may need an antidepressant.  She also referred me to a counselor she recommends to all her NFP couples that are struggling to conceive and/or have miscarried.  She also suggested maybe I could find a novena to pray and then also proceeded to hand me a card of her favorite saint.  She even had the card in the room with a prayer on the back.  St. Gianna pray for me.  She didn't make me feel like I am crazy but that I am going through the grieving process and this is NORMAL.   Her nurse is also wonderful.  She told me that if I needed to talk to give her a call and she will just listen.  That is what we all could learn to do more is LISTEN not speak.

With a new week and the kids after school activities and practices, it has been keeping me busy.  I have also been trying to walk every other day just to get outside and free my mind and body and soul because I could just sit inside and dwell on the why did this have to happen but God has a plan and I don't understand which I may not get to understand in this earthly life.  I have also been making homemade soap to stock my etsy shop and to get ready for a craft fair.  I forget how much I enjoy knitting and have began to work on hand puppets to take to the fair and post on my etsy page.

I am a person that enjoys music.  I have found some powerful christian music to feel my ears and to just sing along to.

All this I do to help mend the raw wound.  Do I still cry?  Yes.  Nights are my toughest.  Despite all I can and could do, I still have the fact that at the end of the day, everything is in God's hands and that what I want may not be what He wants for me.  And that is hard at night to just let that go and give my everything to Him.  I am angry and hurt but I know He loves me and always will.  He doesn't hurt me.  He only loves me.  He wants to give me all of Him.  He walks through this pain and cries through this with me.  I am His child.  I am His.  Through all of this, I must be open to receive Him even through the sorrows.  I can overcome this.  Blest be His Holy Name.