Words for Thought

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough

So I could get back to my career.

And then I was dying to retire.

And now I am dying...

and suddenly realize I forgot to live.

(Author Unknown)

OR

First I was filled with life as I finished high school and started college.

I learned life lessons as I finished college and began work.

Life led me to marry and have children.

As my children grew in life and began their own journey

I was able to return to my career.

As life continued for me I was able to retire.

Now as I am dying, I recognize the beautiful life

God has blessed me to be able to live.

(Fr. Daryl Befort)

The same poem but yet expressed with two different outlooks.  When I read them both, I was touched just how this was how I felt with my hips and all that surrounded me.  At first my hip pain brought me down.  I began to dread days or waking up for fear I was going to hurt for however long.  Everything around me just was crumbling down.  It was a gradual process though so I wasn't able to see the cause, the pain, the hurt, the resentment,...the downfall my chronic hip pain was really causing until I made that decision to undergo surgery and face what would be ahead of me. 

Yes this last year has been a struggle of hurt and pain but also too there has been light and joy. But mostly I was able to find who I am!  I have a new outlook on my life.  I don't dread the daily activities or question if it is going to cause me debilitating pain where I must tell my children I can't do that today.  Instead I feel so full of love, light, and mostly JOY.  I am still a work in progress but then again aren't we all? 

Before, During, and After

                                                                          Before

                                                                           During (with screws)

                                                                       After (screws removed)

                                                                    All 4 screws 4 inches long to 2 and 1/4th inches long

One Year Memories

Yes I am mumbling something about my bowels and medicine.  This is a couple days out from actually getting out of bed.  But walking for the first time, I couldn't get my brain to connect to get my left leg to move.  But it finally did!

This was the day after surgery.  My hair is a mess, my left arm is puffy, and the gown is too big, but I sure didn't care.

When I awoke I was ace wrapped and attached to a drain with 3 IV's and monitors.  But again I sure didn't care.  I wasn't going anywhere but dream land.

Dr. Millis and Me

Dismissal Day

Left PAO One Year Birthday

One year ago today, I was undergoing my first surgery on my left hip.  I wasn't nervous at this point.  I just didn't know what to expect.  Because when I flew out the day before, I knew that when I flew back home that I would be on my journey to recovery.  And then I would know.  But I didn't know about that in between part.  But I was soon to find out.

Thankfully we aren't given the ability to know the future.  Because for me knowing the journey that I was to face over the next year, I would have said no.  It would have been too much for me to see how I was going to get through all I was to face and get to where I am today.  But God knew.  And He gave us the ability to live and enjoy the present.  What happened yesterday can't be changed.  What happens tomorrow, I don't know.  But today is what is happening and that is where I need to be living. 

Each day may have been a struggle.  I wanted my mother but she was undergoing chemo.  But yet I couldn't be there for her because I was recovering.  I expected and wanted more from family but was hurt when words wounded me.  Or when understanding wasn't there.  I hurt physically and emotionally.  But this was the only way I could learn to find me. 

God has a plan and along the way I lost myself and who I was.  I dwelled on my hurt and wounds. But prayer is powerful.  A daily prayer to God, who is loving, merciful, and forgiving.  He gave me light.  Just as Dr. Millis gave me hope with my hips. 

I am no longer having to tell my children "Mommy hurts today."  I no longer need to rely on strong narcotics to get me through every single day.  But instead find that tylenol will do.  Even better I have not felt that horrible pain that would last any where from a day to weeks on end.  I just now tell myself slow and steady, warm those joints. 

How beautiful is this new life I have been given!  A new outlook of how wonderful the simplicity of life truly is!  Happy One Year to my Left Hip!

Just one year ago was the start of a beautiful new journey in my life.