Words for Thought

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough

So I could get back to my career.

And then I was dying to retire.

And now I am dying...

and suddenly realize I forgot to live.

(Author Unknown)

OR

First I was filled with life as I finished high school and started college.

I learned life lessons as I finished college and began work.

Life led me to marry and have children.

As my children grew in life and began their own journey

I was able to return to my career.

As life continued for me I was able to retire.

Now as I am dying, I recognize the beautiful life

God has blessed me to be able to live.

(Fr. Daryl Befort)

The same poem but yet expressed with two different outlooks.  When I read them both, I was touched just how this was how I felt with my hips and all that surrounded me.  At first my hip pain brought me down.  I began to dread days or waking up for fear I was going to hurt for however long.  Everything around me just was crumbling down.  It was a gradual process though so I wasn't able to see the cause, the pain, the hurt, the resentment,...the downfall my chronic hip pain was really causing until I made that decision to undergo surgery and face what would be ahead of me. 

Yes this last year has been a struggle of hurt and pain but also too there has been light and joy. But mostly I was able to find who I am!  I have a new outlook on my life.  I don't dread the daily activities or question if it is going to cause me debilitating pain where I must tell my children I can't do that today.  Instead I feel so full of love, light, and mostly JOY.  I am still a work in progress but then again aren't we all?