Monday, June 11, 2012

Just Crazy

About a month ago, I saw my PCP about what I thought was possible nerve pain in my left thigh.  He told me that is common with hip surgeries and then asked how the surgeries went.  This question is sensitive to me because the last year I faced difficulties that most would not understand or would just tell me to get over it all ready.  And apparently either did my PCP because he then decided that instead of gabapentin for the nerve pain, I needed lexapro in the am and elavil at night. 

I left that appointment so mad and angry.  Why can't I have emotions without being crazy?  So the next day I made the decision to see a counselor to help me overcome the hurt and anger I was feeling.  I didn't want to "mask" the hurt anymore.  I wanted to punch the damn thing in the face for once.  This has honestly been the best decision for me.  I have an amazing counselor who listens to me and makes me feel like I am normal.  And she tells me feelings and emotions are normal!  She reassures me that for all I have been through that it is okay to feel up and down. 

But then a month later my PCP wanted to see me back.  So I was excited to tell him that I decided to take a different approach.  And yes my nerve pain was acting up about a week and a half before I would start my period.  He then proceeded the check my left hip ROM.  And has he did this I would tell him that my hip wouldn't go any further or that hurt but once again he insisted that it should.  At that moment all I remember is how when I went for a followup check after my right hip surgery, that PT in Boston told me most people want to force the hip because they don't understand what is done with a PAO.  So when they think they are hitting bone they are but find it odd so then try to work past that causing pain for the patient.   And this is what was happening with me.  My PCP also was very insist on wanting me to take lexapro and the elavil.  But yet when I ask if I can have something to take just in case my left hip joint acts up while on our road trip that we were getting ready to take.  I told him I can't take anything like advil because it upsets my stomach.  And tylenol just won't touch the pain.  So he said sure and went to get some samples.  He said that what he was giving me wouldn't cause stomach pain but I was to only take 1 just as needed and it would last for 12 hours.  So I looked at it when I got home and it was naproxen with a coating.  I knew that if my left hip joint acted up that this was NOT going to work.

I left angry but that same day I also had a couseling appointment.  I told her all about what I experienced earlier that day and how it made me feel. That is when she told me it is okay to feel emotion.  It does no good to bottle it away because it does no good and will only come around at another time making it much worse. 

I finally decided to go ahead and make an appointment with Dr. Buhr for my right knee that has been really acting up.  And I will ask about my hip too.  I also emailed Dr. Millis and he told me that nerve pain was not common.  So now I am like hmmmmm.  If I don't get answers from Dr. Buhr I am really considering just making an appointment with Dr. Millis at this point because I am having numbness in my feet that will occur upon waking or when I immediately sit down or stand up.  Also my right arm is feeling numb and weak. 

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