Broken

God made a Sweet Child.

A child who never grew old.

He made a smile of sunshine.

He molded a heart of pure gold.

He made that child as close to an angel

as anyone ever could be.

God made a Sweet Child.

And He gave that dear child to me.

Then God saw His wonderful creation growing very tired and weak

so He wrapped the child in His loving arms

and said,"You, my child, I keep."

But now my Sweet Child is an angel.

Free from hurt and pain.

I'll love you forever, until we meet again.

So many time I have missed you.

So many times I have cried.

If all my love could have saved you

Sweet Child you never would have died.

Author Unknown

My heart is just broken.  I love being a mother.  This has torn me to pieces, leaving me in tears and anger.  I am not angry with God.  He gives and He takes but blessed be His name. 

I want to name the baby, even though I don't know boy or girl, I want to name this precious baby of mine who I won't get to meet until I pass from this life.  I think having the kids to help name this baby would help me heal---one boy name and one girl name is what this baby will have. 

It is just so hard to let go when I want so much to hold on.  It just breaks me to write this. 

Going in once a week to have my hcg level drawn is very difficult for me.  I keep myself together during the draw but once in the car, the tears and anger hit.  I know my levels must drop but it is hard knowing why they must keep dropping.  I need to let go.  They have gone from 28000 to 8900 in two and half weeks.  It is getting to <5 .="." all.="all." at="at" easy="easy" isn="isn" it="it" nbsp="nbsp" t="t">

Letting go doesn't mean I will forget, just letting go to find that peace and happiness for my baby and me.