What will be, will be.

"What will be, will be."

I think this will be my new motto for myself.  I can't change but only myself.  And I can only change myself for what God's desires of me.  If I stray from that, I know as in the moment it may have felt right but then later the guilt and doubt begins to set in.  And then anger as maybe that choice wasn't right and the problems it caused.  And then I think now if only I hadn't.

But we are all human.  We are expected to fail.  And yes I forgive those that have hurt me.  And yes I have trouble letting go of the hurt but maybe it isn't so much I can't let go but more that the hurt of the wounds aren't healed.  Perhaps it is because the same hurt keeps happening over and over again.  When we don't have communication in relationships so much goes wrong.  We lose sight of that other person and their needs.  We don't see how our actions or words have hurt them or maybe the lack of words or actions. 

In difficult situations when our dreams have been crushed, it is hard to put our faith and trust in God.  It is hard to stay to strong.  And then when we see that someone else is living that dream that you had, makes it that much harder.  But what can one do?  And the answer is definitely not turning from God or blaming God but to face the problem.  Turning to prayer and asking God.  As He is there with us through everything.  Reaching out for help. 

Those that have been blessed to live in a warm, trusting environment might not have difficulty trusting in God and His plan.  But sadly not everyone can have this.  To those who have lived through broken promises and broken dreams it isn't always easy to trust in God's plan.  To have that one person who reaches out to help heal that hurt of brokeness, really can make the world of difference.  As it gives hope and helps that healing of great hurt and pain begin to heal.  It helps to see that perhaps there is something greater.  To keep holding on. 

My God, You are the One that carries me through each day.  

More Songs

Once I found out our iTunes password I have really enjoyed downloading some new songs.  I do like this one quite I bit. 

I really like this song too.  And yes with some of the great hurt and pain I am struggling with, this really puts that smile on my face.  Not probably the nicest thing.  But I will be honest that at times I feel a "tornado" in me wanting to break free.  But through prayer and being able to talk to someone helps to control the anger I feel from the hurt. 

I also like this song too.  Not really sure how to just add songs without videos.  When I am listening to my music this one just picks me up. 

Forgiving Hurt

If we ask to know God's ways, we must be prepared to take on those ways---even to forgiving those who offend us time without number.

This is something I am trying very hard to do---forgiving many of those who have greatly hurt me.  I can forgive but what is hard and difficult is that the hurt and pain is still there.  And this is where I find I struggle.  I am not sure how to heal with the hurt and pain.  It isn't like I can just place a bandaid on it and go about my merry little way.  Because these hurts and pains continue to be reopened from the same offenses that I am trying to heal. 

I do find myself in prayer quite frequently to help heal.  It could be looked at God's superglue holding my wounds together.  Ok that was odd.  But I really do find I need to turn to God and ask for His forgiveness and then forgives those I have hurt. 

It is hard when others have hurt me and more then once through their actions or words, both, or even by doing nothing---just depends on the situation.  I am learning that sometimes I just need to focus on what is right in front me.

One thing I can do is pray for those I find difficult to love.  As this is the best way to love them is through prayer.  Yes despite what hurt may have been done, I can pray. 

In difficult situations, I must turn to You my Lord and my God and know I am never alone.  You are always with me through it all.  

Firsts

The kids had their first four days right in a row.  Talk about fun for them.  No school Thursday, Friday then Monday and Tuesday all due to snow.  They had lots of fun just playing in it.  I am not going to complain as I didn't have to get out but Dusty still had to work. 

I also shoveled for the first time.  Talk about work.  Brady did help but it was still work.  The already driven on snow was the hardest as it was packed and heavy. And towards the end it was breaking off in really big pieces that were hard to pick up and just toss aside as we both were getting tired.

Shoveling the drive for the first time

Another first was Edgar and Paylynn both getting haircuts.  Edgar was long overdue for his.  But I just couldn't get myself to chop the curls off.  He had taken scissor to his hair a while back but that wasn't enough.  Not until I cut this one stray piece in the front to stop it from falling in his eyes was then I knew it was time.    Paylynn of course wanted in on the adventure.  She wanted hers cut to her shoulders.   I just wanted 3 inches off.   We compromised.  She got a haircut and I picked the length. 

Before



After

Edgar is groomed! He looks pretty handsome to me.  And he sat pretty still as the lady cut his hair.  She was really excited too.  She also helped me as I had no idea how to cut his hair.  She gave me some suggestions and I liked them.  And as it turned out so did he because he was a big boy and sat still. I also was given a keepsake card with his curl.  Paylynn was basking in joy at her first haircut too.  She was so excited and felt like the big girls.  Of course Emma and Hannah wanted their haircut.  But I told them later.  When later, I don't know yet. 

The kids are back in school and Edgar is still at his all time high of getting into situations of mess making. 



With God all things are possible.