More Frustrations

Yesterday was our introductory class to the Creighton model.  It was HOT because the air conditioner was broken.  So yes a 97 some degree and the air broken was just not a great time.  To make it that much more undesirable the guy my husband sat next too smelled heavily of liquor/alcohol and kept burping.  My husband by the end was NOT thrilled or happy to say the least.

Things surfaced for both of us in such a brief moment.  I could understand my husband's unhappiness.  He worked a long day delivering the mail in the heat and then went with me to sit in a class with the air broken.  He felt that this class was the same was the Family of Americas that we had taken back in 2012.  I have had these exact feelings cross my mind multiple times.  He told me it felt like a money scam.  How many ways can we observe the cervical mucus and give it a different name.  This of course made me feel bad because this class was $33.  Then 8 followup visits are $30 each.  I am to schedule an appointment with the NaPro dr after two cycles and go from there.  All I see is this could get costly.

It just really sucks.  Yes I said it---sucks.  I don't understand.  I go from one cycle being 35 days to the next cycle being 22 days.  It is stressful on our marriage.  I either find myself crying or just not wanting to try or just wanting to give up, then to feeling angry with those who want to tell me they understand.  I am just at emotional imbalance with this process.  It isn't fun.  It is hard to keep my focus on how this will only make us a stronger couple.  How this can only draw me closer to God.  Because right now I see tears---tears of pain and hurt and sadness. I don't understand the why.  I don't understand myself with any of this.  I just know that I am not alone.  I am never alone.

GREAT things must never be rushed for God knows no time.  

Guidance through our darkness

I saw a NaPro dr this week.  She was helpful but I have to go back in two months.  She uses the creighton model for cycle charting.  We took the Family of Americas NFP class.

That was disheartening.  I know it will be good in the long run.  But in the moment you can't help but feel sad as I just want answers now to the why.  Impatient is what I feel I am.

I went on ahead and scheduled our initial class for June 22.  And then followups to make sure I am grasping the charting.

Along this I also get to track my moods and what I eat.

I guess I just feel confused.

On a different note, my youngest sister found out she doesn't qualify for a PAO.  The dr she saw felt she wasn't a candidate for the surgery as her hips were too far gone to make it worth it.  So now she is looking at trying to hold off or just schedule a hip replacement.  As I wasn't faced with making that choice, I am trying to help her out.  I feel like she is doing things that don't make sense to me.

She went on ahead and scheduled her hip replacements with the dr she saw in St Loiuse.  I don't understand as there are local surgeons that are fully capable of doing hip replacements.  I know she wants to meet her deductible by doing both hips in the same year.  I also feel she should send her X-rays off to other top notch drs and get their opinions on her hip issue.  And also to schedule with a local ortho dr as he would be the one to followup with and can also help guide her on their thoughts about a hip replacement.

But I am not her.  I just know what I went through and just wasn't easy.  I want to help her ease the stress she must be feeling.  And also that she isn't alone through this.  I don't want her to make such haste decisions right now as much as she wants too because her pain is there more and possibly on a daily basis.  I just want her to take one step at a time and I don't want to see her hurt.

Maybe all I can do is pray for her guidance for now.  Just like I need to pray for my own guidance.

He will give if it is in His will for us.

He won't give if doesn't fit in His will for us.

He will wait to give as He has a better plan for us. 

And all this can be hard when we want now.