More Frustrations

Yesterday was our introductory class to the Creighton model.  It was HOT because the air conditioner was broken.  So yes a 97 some degree and the air broken was just not a great time.  To make it that much more undesirable the guy my husband sat next too smelled heavily of liquor/alcohol and kept burping.  My husband by the end was NOT thrilled or happy to say the least.

Things surfaced for both of us in such a brief moment.  I could understand my husband's unhappiness.  He worked a long day delivering the mail in the heat and then went with me to sit in a class with the air broken.  He felt that this class was the same was the Family of Americas that we had taken back in 2012.  I have had these exact feelings cross my mind multiple times.  He told me it felt like a money scam.  How many ways can we observe the cervical mucus and give it a different name.  This of course made me feel bad because this class was $33.  Then 8 followup visits are $30 each.  I am to schedule an appointment with the NaPro dr after two cycles and go from there.  All I see is this could get costly.

It just really sucks.  Yes I said it---sucks.  I don't understand.  I go from one cycle being 35 days to the next cycle being 22 days.  It is stressful on our marriage.  I either find myself crying or just not wanting to try or just wanting to give up, then to feeling angry with those who want to tell me they understand.  I am just at emotional imbalance with this process.  It isn't fun.  It is hard to keep my focus on how this will only make us a stronger couple.  How this can only draw me closer to God.  Because right now I see tears---tears of pain and hurt and sadness. I don't understand the why.  I don't understand myself with any of this.  I just know that I am not alone.  I am never alone.

GREAT things must never be rushed for God knows no time.