So I contacted our parish priest and just emailed to tell him my story. I just needed someone to listen to my story. To my hurt and pain and yes to some joy but just how my heart was hurting. He responded and told me he was sorry and his blessing were with me and I could set up a time to meet to talk if I needed too.
So once again I emailed him back to set up a time. I explained how I needed closure but wasn't sure how to get that. My angel baby is in the freezer and it is so hard to open the freezer and not to just want to hold my baby. It is hard too because I have been told multiple times that a blighted ovum is the best way to miscarry. Really the best way. When is there ever a best to lose something that we love so deeply no matter the circumstance. Do I say to someone who lost a loved one---it was there time it was good or they died in their sleep that is the best way to die. NO! I offer my sympathy as the pain of losing something that you love is no longer here. And it hurts no matter what. Then I know that in the medical field and to some that it may just be a blob of tissue as it doesn't look like a baby to the human eye. But to me it is my baby. I just know as the mother in me always knows her baby.
At first I thought I didn't have a birth story or get to hold my baby but I did just not the way I expected. God's way was a bit different then my own. But I don't blame Him I turn to Him. It just hurts when I was at the Y the other day walking on the treadmill and they talk about the Pope and then jump to something about a late term abortion. Just really fueled me up about losing my baby and here someone doesn't want theirs and kills their baby. Just really sent my emotions on high and sent me really walking on the treadmill.
But after the meeting with Father I was told I can have a proper buriel for my angel baby Michael Sophia. The cemetery has a section meant just for this and provide the box free of charge and all things will be carried out for the buriel of my baby. Oh how my soul cries tears of sorrow and yes joy too. I am sorrowed from the loss but joyous that I am going to have a proper buriel for my baby. My baby I only had for such a very short time and yet I loved so much. It just hurts and yet will bring me the closure and peace I seek.
I just now need to find the rosary bracelet that I am looking for. It will be my keepsake to look at and know that my angel baby is looking down and always with me just a breath away. And in time I will hold in my arms as a mother holds her infant. But for now I must care for the tiny souls God has already blessed me with to guide and instruct so that one day I pray that I have with the help of God taught them well.
With God all things are possible. And never cease to pray for God listens and fills our souls with His Great Almight Love.
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