Physically and Emotionally

This surgery has been a challenge with the recovery process. I thought I knew what to expect. Well I did but what I didn't expect was the challenge of the emotional roller coaster or how I physically would recover different.

I will admit that I have said some really hurtful and hateful words to my husband. I didn't even think that what I was saying to him actually was hurting him. He just would listen and not once tell to stop or that is enough. He just would listen. I was taking out my own frustrations on him. As much as I wanted to be intimate with him I just couldn't find a comfortable position. That was hard on me. I felt like such a disappointment. I also struggled with my mom. Before surgery I had it planned out to where my mom would come over to help out when Dusty returned to work. But the week he returned my mom caught the flu bug and then once better went over to help my sister. I wasn't upset because she was helping my sister. I was just upset because I try to care for my kids but it is such a challenge. Picking up the baby and carrying from point A to point B was impossible when my hands are being used to crutch around. I was told to stay toe touch weight bearing until at least 8 weeks. Dr. Millis wants my surgical hip to heal and rest. But how am I to do this when I don't have the help? But it wasn't just my mom. I have been told by some family members that "oh honey just wait until am I old." And then proceed to chuckle about it. The laughter just stabbed me. It hit me that those around me don't really understand what I live like everyday. How yes I am young but that my joints are not. The pain I live with will never be understood by anybody but myself.

Physically I have struggled. The cold weather really tenses up my muscles causing more pain then what I want to feel right now. I also have been having seat bone pain. It comes and goes. But when it is there, it is there. I can hardly move or walk. It feels like I am grinding or twisting something in there when I go to walk.

So yes my challenges from this recovery have all been directed towards Dusty. I didn't realize how much I hurt him until my major outburst on Christmas day. I shed many tears. I shared my true feelings---physically and emotionally. It is one of the hardest things to be completely open and honest but it is the best things I could have done.