Excuses

"If something is important, you will find a way. If it isn't, you will find an excuse."


How true this is. So true. I couldn't have said it better myself.
I always told my mom as she was undergoing chemo that she could live her life with chemo or she could let chemo live her life. To me she let chemo live her life. She let chemo be her excuse. Finding an excuse is much easier. We all do it. And we all have our reasons for it but it all comes down to the fact that it is still an excuse---good or bad.
Excuses can hurt as I have found out this recovery. I looked forward to having my mom around to help me. But it didn't go that way because chemo lived her life. My sister was too busy to come over too. Even my husband's step mom was too busy to come over or call. It has just been really hard. I am not the one to speak my feelings. But I feel like the trials I have been going through are not well understood by others. It isn't easy but I am trying my best to do what I can. It just really saddens me to know that those close to me haven't been around that much and it just really hurts.
I have let it get to me and depress me. I looked forward to going to my father in laws birthday. But with short notice we were unable to attend. This was a difficult time for me and missing a birthday seems like such a little thing but to me I was struggling emotionally and this really hit me hard. I understand now that surgery is also an emotional journey. Being surrounded by family really helps me but I just didn't feel like I got this.
I just really needed to get this off my chest.