End of the Week

I called the Wichita Clinic and switched my OB to Dr. Whiddon. He isn't an older doctor who could retire in the near future. He also seems really upbeat and really good. I think he will be like my first OB before he moved to Texas to practice. But I still have the same day, May 10th. That just seems to far away. The receptionist did say to me that I could his nurse and leave a message for her. But I don't know how that will work since I will be a new patient to him. I just don't think I can take much more.
Taking the 2.5 mg yesterday really worked to settle my brain down. And I had a good day and felt like Katie. I didn't take it today. So I am starting to feel crazy again. I have taken the Tylenol for the hips but it doesn't work for that deep aching pain. I am trying to take it easy but I can't sit in one position to long. I have taken a benadryl for the rest of the symptoms to help relax the muscles. But it isn't working except that I am tired with the crazy messed up brain thing/feeling. I don't want to live like this. I just want this to go away.
My oh my a week can be so long. I don't like waiting because time can move so slowly.
On a more cheerful note, I did take another pregnancy test. I thought that what if the first two were wrong. So I went to Walmart and bought a third one. A different brand. I bet the companies love me! When I got home I unloaded the sacks and then tested again. And the vertical line showed up so BOLD and THICK. It showed up even before the horizonital line appeared. And by the time the urine made it to the test line, that line that makes it positive was so BOLD. There was no mistaken. So God was telling me that YES we ARE pregnant.
i just laughed.
I did go shopping and bought me a new blanket to snuggle up with. It was going to be for the surgery but I can use it now and break it in for next years use. My mom also bought me a new dress to wear. I really wanted it because it looked so comfortable. And she bought it today. I have good day for the most part. Just this evening I am feeling the brain zaps but I took benadryl.
Saturday Brady has his first soccer game. Sunday we have a birhtday to attend. The days have been so busy this week with the kids activities. It has been a week where the activities all fall together. And then with my symptoms and news, it has been a hard week. Hoping next week will start to look up. I think it will. It is a short school week due to Easter. So that is already good news.

What a Start

Once I found out that we were going to have baby number 6, it throw for me for such a loop and meant things were going to change. But I didn't realize what was in store for me. So I stopped taking the tramadol for the hip pain and the lexapro for anxiety/depression from how overwhelming everything seemed to be when I found out I had congenital hip dysplasia. I decided that stopping all the medication would be the best thing for the baby. I don't want to harm the baby in any way possible.
So Monday was the first day to stop everything. And WOW did I ever hurt. I felt the difference. Because if the pain became untolerable then I could take the pain medicine. But not this time. And why they honestly had to hurt that bad is beyond me. But I took Tylenol for it. And made it through Monday but was feeling a little strange. Not sure how to describe the feeling but that I just didn't feel right.
Tuesday came and my hips still were bothering me but that wasn't the problem. I didn't feel good. I thought that I was getting sick because I was feeling achy, and breaking into hot sweats and then chilling really bad. So I took Tylenol and that seemed to work. But then I kept getting this strange sensation in my head and it was there every waking moment. I thought that maybe I was just dizzy. But not really because I have been dizzy before and that is not how I felt. And I kept trying to explain it to mom. We both thought that maybe I just needed to eat protein and drink more water. So I cut up 5 celery stalks and stuffed them full of peanut butter and drank 3 big glasses of water. YUM! But no relief. I just didn't feel right. I told my mom that as crazy as this sounds it just feels like my head is sending shocks. I felt crazy! I also was getting very irritable and short tempered. Every little thing was disturbing me to the point of causing me to freak out over bumps in the road (what was that I hit) or to get mad over a little mess on the floor. But I did manage to mop my kitchen and entry way floors. I also ran the sweeper. I went to bed that night still having the same sensations and tossed and turned. I was restless.
Upon waking on Wednesday I just felt miserable and awful. I was too the point to everything just set me off in a mad angry rage. I thought no wonder I don't need any more kids. I am too impatient. I was aching, having hot sweats like none other, breaking then into chills beyond disbelief. I would have the urge to have a bowel movement and would get to the bathroom just to strain and end up having hemorroid trouble. I couldn't blame this on a prenatal vitamin, I just took one in the morning. I have been eating fiber and haven't trouble like this for a long time. I thought I had this under control. Now what is going on here. I thought I was falling apart. And that being disappointed to having to change my plans was really taking a toll on me. I didn't know why I was feeling this way. And yes my brain and body were doing this wierd shock like thing constantly and it came to the point to where just moving my eyes I felt like my brain and head were going nuts. It was making me go nuts. Because by the evening I had lost it and was yelling at Dusty for something really off the wall. I was losing it and all because I felt like my head or brain was sending constant shock waves. I wasn't able to do anything without it doing this. I felt like I needed to be locked up in the nuthouse. I called my mom and was in tears but then I accidently hung up on her. And before calling her back I decided to go to the bathroom. And my sweet little baby Paylynn took the phone and somehow got lucky and managed to turn the ringer off. So when I went to page the phone I couldn't find it. But since I was having these strange sensations I didn't even think to get my cell phone. While I was yelling the way I was feeling to Dusty, I went to put my shoes on and go into the ER. I was so miserable at this point that I needed to find out what was wrong. But instead I decided to just lay down. Dusty then came and turned on the light and asked if I googled lexapro withdrawal. I just ignored him. And he said that what I explained to him were withdrawal symptoms of lexapro. I got up and asked to read it to me. And he did. Wow! That is something. I wasn't imagining this. So I went to lay in bed. And then the doorbell rang and it was mom and dad. They were worried that I had fainted and that Dusty hadn't made it home yet from Brady's boy scout meeting. So I was such mess at this point. Now crying and sobbing in my mom's arms and her consoling me we all sat down in the living room and just talked. Then they left and i went to bed but had to move to the couch because my left hip was just deep aching. And that is were i slept all night.
Thursday came and I got up feeling even worse. I took the kids to school feeling miserable. But once I got home I really debated on taking the lexapro until talking to my PCP about it. But it didn't take long before deciding to take a fourth of the pill (2.5 mg). I felt guilty but I needed a little relief. I think I would have jumped off the balcony. I called the PCP once office hours began and left a detailed message with the receptionist to give to the doctor. The nurse called me back and told me to NOT take the tramadol or lexapro. But to take tylenol for the pain and a prenatal vitamin daily. And that the withdrawals are going to last at a least week. A week! Oh boy put me in that nuthouse now I am becoming a harm to myself from the inside. So i called the ob office at this time too. I would like to see her before May 10th and maybe she can help get me through. I left another detailed message and waited for the return phone call. I did receive an email from Dr. Millis and he recommended Tylenol for pain, taking it easy whenever I hurt, and that he wasn't sure how my hips would hold up during pregnancy but that we will reevaluate them again after delivery. Oh was I feeling better ok more like comforted but I was feeling better. My brain wasn't zapping me as bad. But that was probably due to the fourth I took earlier. Even my moods were calm. I felt more like myself. Finally the ob nurse called me back in the afternoon and told me to take Tylenol for the pain and a benadryl to help relax my mind and body. Ok. But it didn't end there. My ob is leaving in June. So I will now need to find a new OB. Seriously why and why now.
So that is where I am at now. Finding a new OB and dealing with awful withdrawals from the lexapro. And trying to manage my hip pain. This may be a rough start for this new journey but maybe the road in the end will be smooth and easy going. All I do know is that for now I will need to take it easy and take it day by day, moment by moment.

A Huge Bump in the Road

Ok only for the next nine months. We are expecting a baby, number 6. I wanted another baby and wanted them close and got my wish fulfilled. It definitely left me speechless more like in tears.
On Sunday or Monday we were going to buy our plane tickets for my upcoming surgery for April 27th. And to be on the safe side, since we had fun once this month, I decided I would take a pregnancy test. Taking the test was really to make sure since I wasn't to get my period until March 29th. And I didn't want to wait until then to buy the tickets and since tickets are nonrefundable I didn't want to spend the money and we would be pregnant.
So I took the test. And as I was waiting for the test line to appear a plus sign started to showup I couldn't believe my eyes. I was still sitting on the toilet and sat back and almost fell in. So I got my husband and brought him back to our room. I told him that we don't need to order tickets. And he was like why. I said because we can't afford them. And he asked what my mom had said to me (I was on the phone with her and when I hung up I tested). I told him nothing. And then he got impatient and told me to tell him what was going on that my mom must have said something. Then he went off to the living room and continued playing his video game. I then broke out in tears and continued folding my laundry and putting it away. Finally I went out to the living room with a red nose and eyes. Dusty asked again what was going on. So I asked what he thought. Why we couldn't order plane tickets. And he said he didn't know. So I showed him the test. And he asked what that was and where it came from. I told him that he knew very well what it was and that I took it because I knew we were going to order tickets and I just wanted to play it safe by checking. And he told me to retest to make sure.
So I went to Target and bought another one. This time a Clear Blue Easy to Read Digital test. The first was an EPT. I took that one and waited for what seemed like forever for the hour glass to disappear. And then the word PREGNANT showed up. That was also the time Dusty showed up to see what it read. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know how we both could be so far off in what we thought was safe time. And believe he wasn't taking chances because "Fun time" only was happened once or twice a month. I then broke into tears. He tried his best to console me but I was really upset. I knew I wanted a baby but once I had my surgery date I felt better. I would feel sad and want a baby at times but nothing like before when I didn't have a date set.
I had even wrote out all the kids activities on the calendar that day. I made a list of who I needed to call so I could start to donate my blood. But it just goes to show how life can change in a heartbeat. And sometimes we don't understand why. But this has happened for a reason. It may not or never be clear but what is done is done. I can't change it. I just have to accept it.
Right now I am dwelling in a cloud of confusion and shock. And then add a topping of severe tiredness along with an upset stomach. I am not sure if the stomach problems are from the pregnancy or moods. But whatever is the cause, will bound to be with me now for the next 5 months. I have my first ob appt. on May 10th. We have also discussed doing surgery next March. I guess that means I will have a new group of ladies to meet and go through surgery with. I still can't figure out how we were that far off. And I am surprised that a pregnancy would even work this early. I mean it will be two weeks tomorrow since "the fun day" .
And the tests all recommend that if testing before a missed period then you should use morning urine since it would be the most concentrated. And to make it even better, I had drank a big glass of sweet tea from McDonald's so my urine was diluted. So I am most definitely pregnant. Probably better plan for twins at this point. I mean why not, it would just mean attaching a trailer to the back of the car since our expedition seats only 8 and this baby will make us a family of 8.
But what has been done can't be changed. I just have to adjust my plans. My blogs will still be about my hips but I will post also about the effect that the pregnancy has on them. I am hoping the pregnancy hormones will relax the joints to get me through. I have stopped taking the tramadol for the pain since I don't know how safe it is for the baby. And let me say that I am in pain and can a BIG difference. My left hip keeps me tossing and turning all night because it just has a deep ache that I can't get out or comfortable with.
I just now hope for a boy for Brady. Brady did say that if this baby wasn't a boy that he was going to move our FOR SURE. I just laughed. He says there are too many girls. But I can't control this one.
Things are going to look up or more like start looking into the toilet. But what is really getting me through this shock and confusion is the thought of holding the precious little bundle of joy. The words are indescribable of that moment when the baby is born
and you get to hold that tiny little miracle of life.

Cloudy with a Chance of Sunshine

This post is really more to vent my frustrations. I am the person who tries to put the smile on my face and hide what I feel on the inside. But sometimes we just need to let go because then can others truly understand our true feelings and begin to understand the truth. I am trying to be positive and so many of the women on my groups have such bad days. I just want them to feel better so I offer encouraging words but it seems the past couple of encouraging words I have offered have been overrided by negativity. Surgery isn't fun and it isn't EVER easy. But we all need to take a step back and remind our self of that but to also tell ourself that we are strong and will get through this. I mean spending a year recovery versus spending the rest of our life in chronic pain. You be the one to choose. Well like I have said previously maybe I should wait in offering advice or encouragement until I get to the other side. I just don't like to see people feeling down. And I will try to make them feel better. For instance I have my mother blaming herself for causing my hip problems. But what I really need is for her to be here for me. I need her to be the strong one so if I lose it she can be here to encourage me to get through the rough patch. And sometimes I could use the help on the really bad days. That is what I need.
On a more sunny note, I have received the packet of info regarding all the times for April 13th pre-op appt. So now I need to get everything in order. It all just seems so overwhelming but I have to remind myself that I can do this and it will all be over soon and that I will be on the road to feeling better. And to make the day a bit better the sun has come out.

Consultation Appt.

I didn't even realize that I didn't mention anything about what I experienced on Thursday March 4, 2010. I had to be in Waltham, MA at 845 am for my MRI. I had only had one once before but I didn't really remember much. I wasn't really nervous. I just get the fear of the unknown. But somehow I always get through it all. So the day before we drove around finding where we needed to go. So on Thursday, we had an idea of where we were going.
Thursday morning came fast. We got to the Children's Hospital Boston in Waltham on time. We walked through the front doors but weren't sure where to go. We asked at the front desk and they instructed us to go right and then left at the Radiology sign. Easy. And we found it. I checked in and had to fill out a paper and answer a few questions of medication that I was currently taking. Then I waited to be called. While I was waiting I noticed that the walls were colorful. I also saw a small fish tank. I was then called back. We went back to a room and the nurse asked which arm I preferred. I just showed her both. And she picked that right arm. She disinfected the area where she was going to stick the needle. And she was using a butterfly needle. I was excited because that is a tiny needle compared to what I usually get stuck with. I didn't even feel the needle or the dye being injected. Once it was done I had to walk around for 20 minutes in the waiting room. I noticed that there was another fish tank. It must have been based on Finding Nemo. The fish were really pretty and the water was so clear. It was a great distraction. And I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea if more hospitals made it more welcoming. It would make it more cheerful. I mean what can go wrong with colorful walls, fish tanks, and butterflies on the wall. I was also to get x rays done while we waited for the dye to work its way into the hip. But 20 minutes came and I was never called for x rays so I had to wait until after the MRI.
I went back to the room. And I was to take off my glasses. I couldn't see anything but big blurs. I laid down. And she taped my feet so they wouldn't move during the MRI. They want you to lay very still. She then placed this gray thing over my right hip. It was a little heavy but tolerable. Then she placed headphones on. Then I was slid into the tube with a little bit of my head sticking out. She then asked how the volume was and it was good. I could hear the music. Then she said we would get started and that it would last approximately 40 minutes. Ok I can do this. I can lay flat on my back. Well I hope. And then it all began.
The sound was loud. And my music kept fading in and out. And then probably about five minutes into it I felt my back hurting. But I couldn't move. So I just laid there. As it went on I just kept feeling my back hurting more and more. And it eventually moved down my left butt side to my left hip. It was hurting so bad. And I finally had to move without moving. So I was trying to focus on something else. Then the nurse came over and told me that for the last picture I was going to be slid out part way. I knew then that I could do it but that I was already in trouble and just hoping that I would be able to sit up and get off the table. After the last picture, she came in and I told her that I would probably look like a goof because my back hurt so bad and how I wasn't a back layer. Well I got off the table allright but I must have looked like wierdo gimp. Because I was limping and hobbling out to the waiting room. She asked if I was ok and I said yes. Then she told them at the front desk that I needed to get my x rays done asap because we needed to be on our way for our appt.
They put the message in and then someone else was called back before us. And the front desk said that we were to be first. And then another lady came out and called us. I was put into some interesting "dance poses". The first two were the hardest. My hips didn't want to cooperated. But the last 3 were easier. But I did have to lay on another table. Thank goodness that a lot faster. I didn't want to take anything for the pain because I wanted to feel any discomfort with the ROMs that the doctor would do. Once we got the "all clear" with the x ray pictures. We aheaded back to Boston for the Children's Boston Hospital for my actual consultation appt., which I have mentioned the conversation.
At the appt. I had to fill out a very lengthy hip questionnaire. Some of things asked were hard to answer but I did to the best of my knowledge. I am not good at describing what I feel or how bad it feels. We called back. And I had my weight and height taken. I weighed even less from when I saw my PCP that previous Monday. I met with another doctor at first. I can't recall his name. But he was real nice. He did some ROMs with my legs. And then he looked at my MRI and xrays. Then he stepped out. We didn't wait to long and then him and Dr. Millis came in. I just had assumed that Dr. Millis would be tall but he isn't. He had me walk and then stand on my tiptoes and heels. And then he had me bend over to touch my toes. I then I hopped up on the exam table. And he did a lot of different ROMs. He also took leg measurements. He did a very thorough exam. But I have mentioned the conversation we had. So that was my experience for my consultation. I just now realized that I didn't blod about it. I guess i was a bit overwhelmed. A little late and out of order but it is all here now.

Surgery Date

We emailed Renee the surgery coordinator. For one thing I wasn't sure if I was to call her and schedule or if her or the doctor were going to email back with a date. But like I say we emailed her. And she wrote back saying surgery is scheduled for APRIL 27th. Finally! I feel so much better, even though today the hips are griping a lot. They can now settle down. Little do they know what is coming to them. Well at least one for now. For that matter I don't either. But I do know that I am going to be strong through it all. I am hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, and hopefully be somewhere in between. We do have a preop day scheduled for April 13th as well. I am not really sure what to expect from there. I will have to read some of the other blogs again to see what they did. I am just so excited. Not nervous yet. I just really want to get it done. But as the time gets closer that may change. I do know that it will be here before I know it. But there is an end, well at least for one side. Hip Hip Hooray. Or should I say WHOOP! WHOOP!

Practicing Patience...Again

My husband keeps telling me to be patient and wait. He keeps telling me that I will hear back about surgery dates, I just need to be patient. Obviously this is something I am not doing so well. I don't want to be annoying and be a bother to the doctor or surgery coordinator. All I want is to know when I can do the surgery. But this is good for me to practice patience. Ok no it isn't. It just makes me grumpy. And it doesn't help that Emma and Paylynn (the youngest two) are sick with a really bad cold, fever, and cough. And then when I take them into the doctor, all I get is there is no medicine to give for the cough because they are too young. But to use warm water with lemon or honey in it, use a humidifier, and tylenol/advil for the fever. And wait for it to pass. But otherwise just wait until it is gone. Those words are sooooo much easier coming out of the mouth than to actually do, wait for it to pass. So all this waiting is really testing my patience. It is just isn't getting to me because my husband came home yesterday and was a grizzly bear. So I couldn't be grouchy too. But I rubbed his back last night which now today he can come home in a much better mood. Oh yes and it probably didn't help that while we were at Walmart yesterday checking out, a lady came up to me and said it was wonderful all my children and that she had 8 or came from a family of 8. But she also mentioned how her husband was a letter carrier and works at the same station my husbands dad works out. She also said that we should have at least two more. So that probably didn't help his mood. He said she didn't need to encourage me. Hopefully today he will be better. Well once I hear something everyone will know. But until then I will just have to wait and practice patience.

After Much Debating

Leaving the appt on Thursday, I just felt so disappointed and discouraged. I was really looking forward to coming home with a surgery date. Especially if I felt like I wanted Millis to do the surgery. Just meeting with him, he immediately made me feel at ease. He asked if my back hurt and showed me on my back where. I told him yes but that I just blamed it from having kids. He said that it goes with dysplasia. And then he said I was fat and needed to lose some weight. Of course he was just joking because then when I was on the exam table and laying flat, I told him I don't like to lay flat it makes my back hurt. And he said it was because I had no meat on my butt. So he is a very laid back doctor. He did speak highly of Dr. Sierra. And gave me some names of doctors that were a lot closer. So since we had gotten to the airport early, I looked the doctors up and none were covered. So then I called Dr. Sierra to see how far he was booked out too. And he was the middle of May- right when the kids get of school. We looked at flying prices to MN but they were double what we paid to fly to Boston. So we would drive to MN. But after much debating I knew I wanted Dr. Millis to do the surgery. So we emailed him that day and asked when he had surgery dates and explained how my sister would be in town for 7 months while her hubby served overseas and how she offered to watch the kiddies. He then emailed me to see what would work. I told him anytime before the kids get out of school. He then emailed his surgery coordinator Renee to see what set a date for me. So I am hoping to have a date in the very near future. I know once a date is set that there will be an end to this hurting and pain and giving out.

Oh...Disappointed

I just feel like crying at this point. Still no surgery date. No end to the pain yet. Dr. Millis was such a wonderful friendly doctor. He answered my questions without me having to ask them. That is how well he explained everything. He showed me good xray of a normal hip and then showed me an xray of a fixed hip. You couldn't even tell the hip had been cut! That was amazing. The hip looked normal. He went over how I have "hole" on one of the femur bones due to stress to the cartilage and my hips not working properly. He did a lot of different ROM. He asked me to walk. He also asked what type of pain I am experiencing. And said my left was worse then the right. I do need to do surgery soon or otherwise a PAO won't work. WIth a PAO he didn't guarantee that I wouldn't ever need a THR. ANd that the PAO could get me through the next 5 years to possible my whole life. And gave me about a 25% chance of needing a THR based on the cartilage he saw from the MRI. He just really worries about the distance and having 5 kids. ANd really spoke highly of Dr. Sierra in Minnesota. He also recommended a Dr. GArvin but he isn't on our insurance. He did say that he would do the surgery if I wanted him to but he just really worries about the distance when there are closer doctors. So I just don't know what to do. I feal numb and feel like crying. I am just disappointed. I was really hoping to come back with a surgery date. I just want to feel better and have another baby. So right now I am not feeling like my usual cheerful self. I don't want to meet anymore doctors or have to call the insurance company to fight them just so they will cover an out of network doctor. All I want is to feel better. And I felt personally like Dr. Millis had such a wonderful demeanor, which I really did like. I just don't know. I just want to be home sitting down and be able to cry.

Little Bit About Boston

I made it flying. Of course I did have help with some medicine. I must say that Boston is a bit tricky getting around. It has also been windy, cold, and snow flurries on and off. I do love the accents. Some are richer than others. But I just love it. We did go to a Mike's Pastry shop and bought 3 cannolis and one oreo cheesecake. We ate two of the cannolis and saved the rest for the hotel. THey were YUMMY! But who doesn't like sweets. My hubby saw his Fenway park and took pictures. We also ate at TGI Fridays. But that was more because I really had to go use the bathroom. He kept telling me just 5 minutes. But I couldn't wait that long. I had to go. So he pulled into a public parking and paid $17.00. So nobody in Wichita better complain again about parking costs. We then drove around to make sure we knew where we were going for tomorrows appt. The MRI is Waltham's Children's Hospital Boston and then we drive back to Boston and get x rays and meet the doctor at Children's Hospital Boston. I am ready for this. I am also tired and exhausted from traveling. So early to bed tonight for an early morning tomorrow. I will then update again about what I find out at the appt. But I just had to let everyone know about today. My hips also were cooperative! I was so proud of them. But of course they would be because we are seeing the doctor and it seems then like all of sudden the pain is gone. Crazy of why that is. I did notice a few things here in Boston---A lot of people walk to get where they are going, people park almost bumper to bumper (did see some cars with dents in their bumpers-just chuckled at that), and bikers ride in the street not on the sidewalk. Just different that what I am used to back in Kansas. But otherwise it has been nice. And now just have until tomorrow to meet Dr. Millis.