Beyond Words

Yesterday I went to the Y to walk on the treadmill to help burn off some excess anxiety I have been having from this miscarriage.   I liked walking.  But I kept cramping every 5 minutes while walking on it.  I only walked for 20 minutes, so odd with the cramping.  But the last 5 minutes I cramped and then bled.  I was unhappy as I already was taking the advil and tylenol.  Just frustrating.  But I did feel better emotionally. 

At counseling today, the counselor listened to what I said.  And she told me I needed to get into see my OB as she felt I needed to be seen by him.  She felt that I can't grieve until I am reassured of my physical well being.  She was surprised that I was allowed to bleed heavily for 3.5 weeks with no concern and to be told to take 800mg ibuprofen and 2 tylenol, use heat and go to the ER otherwise.  That is all I have been told when I call in.  Or that I need to be filling several pads for several hours.  Ugh just exhausting---physically and emotionally--- is what I feel honestly.  At the end of my session she felt the I didn't need to see her as she felt that I needed to be seen for my physical well being.  She did say that I should mention my emotional state too but that I really need to be seen for the physical. 

After my counseling appt, I went to pick up my kids from school.  While I waited, I called the OB office and told the receptionist that I would like to make an appt with my Dr. as I haven't been doing so well from the miscarriage.  She said "one moment".  And I was put on hold.  When she returned, she said she was transferring me to his nurse as she needed to speak with me.  Ugh.  No I wanted to make an appt.  But I was transferred before I could finish.  So I talk to the nurse and tell her no I haven't been doing well.  I am angry and not sleeping.  I am cramping, hurting, and bleeding.  She then told me that they feel I need to see my family practice Dr. for this.

I hung up and called Dusty.  I was upset and in tears as I feel I am told by the ER dr to call my OB if the bleeding increases or the cramping increases.  It was even written on my discharge papers. So when I filled two pads in less then an hour and twice I might add this happened that night, I called but I was transferred to 24 hour on call nurses.  Where I was instructed that if it happened again to go into the ER.  I was tired and went to bed.  I was told to call my dr.  I did  and wasn't put through to him.  So when I went in that Tuesday 11/28 my dr told me to call him back if the bleeding hadn't slowed down or stopped by the end of that week.  It didn't but I thought pregnancy #7 I would wait until Monday.  I called Monday and was told by his nurse that  I need to be filling several pads in several hours.  So I hung up.  Well the cramping and heavy bleeding continued for a total of 3.5 weeks. 

I just am really upset that when I call the office I am transferred to the nurse and when I call to make an appt I am transferred to the nurse where I am told that I need to see my family practice doctor.  No my family practice dr hasn't seen me for this miscarriage.   I just don't know.  This has all been very frustrating as I can't get my questions answered.  I can't talk to my doctor.  I just don't know.  I am exhausted from the bleeding.  I am exhausted from the cramping.  I am exhausted from being exhausted.