Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Cause

Saturday I awoke still feeling pain.  So I drove myself to the ER.  I didn't mess with calling the dr just went in.  I had a pregnancy test done---negative but I knew that.  Blood work done.  A manual vaginal exam and a vaginal ultrasound to check for any retained pieces from the miscarriage.  But everything checked out fine.  My iron was on the lower end of normal but otherwise all the workup showed signs that my body was recovering from this whole ordeal.  During the wait for all the results I prayed and prayed that all would be ok.  But there was one thing, a cyst on my left ovary was found.  The ER doctor explained that cysts are common and can cause the pain but that all checked out and the nurse would be in to dismiss. 

It didn't even hit me until the drive home that when I went into the ER on 11/25 that a cyst was found on my left ovary.  Made me kinda think that maybe it was the same one.  But later Saturday night I thought maybe it was depression causing all my symptoms so I did the biggest no no ever and googled depression.  I just cried and cried because I thought that was my problem.  And it was in my head.  It just brought me down as I didn't want to take any antidepressants because eventually I would like to consider trying in the future but I guess that too will have too wait.  That is what I thought anyway. 

But Sunday I had a light bulb go off.  And decided to google ovarian cysts.  And wow now that explains a lot of what I feel.  Strange how a cyst can cause the backache, nausea, lower abdomenal pain, and headaches. 

So on Monday I waited for the doctor to call me.  As on Friday the director called Dusty to talk to him about the sitution.  And he just explained in a polite manner what was happening.  So on Monday when he called I just told him how I went to the ER and what was found and how I still felt.  I told him I do think the insomnia is related to the emotional part of the miscarriage but that irritability is coming from the pain I am feeling.  He went over options with me.  He also told me that when a cyst measures 4cm that is when they show symptoms but he said he didn't have ovaries and wouldn't know so he listens to his patients and size doesn't matter.  In other words he looks at the patient and not the textbook standards.  This is why I like him.  He also felt bad that I bled so heavily for so long---3.5 weeks before passing my baby.  He even admitted that he thought that on my appt on 11/27 that he had extracted the majority of it all.  So he felt bad that I was left and told everything was normal when it wasn't.  He also told me that it isn't the norm to get a period like I did so soon after that.  He just felt bad. I could hear it in his voice. He even as far to tell me that since they see miscarriages frequently that sometimes they forget that a patient doesn't know what is normal and needs that extra help.  I knew he felt bad. 

He did call out xanax to take at bedtime that I can take as needed to help get a better sleep.  He said antidepressants are fine too but that they take time to kick in and then if we start trying they become controversial as to whether how safe it is for the baby.  And just going on it for a month really wouldn't be worth it.  So together we decided for now just something to help me get me rest at night. 

For the cysts I am trying bee propolis and royal jelly as I would really like to try a natural approach first.  I just don't know if I could honestly face another surgery at this point.  Just with what happened with my last surgery is what holds me back right now.  So for now I am holding off.  I also believe that this week I should ovulate, that is if my body does, and I want to see how my body will respond to the hormones of that.  Maybe it will help and maybe it make it worse.  If it I get worse or stay the same I will call back and opt for the surgery.  But for now I just want to give it a little more time. 

So yes even though I do have some side effects emotionally from the miscarriage I also have physical complications too that are causing me to not feel 100% yet. 

My Lord you know my heart better then anyone.  I ask for your tender love and guidance during this time.  Without You I am nothing but with You I am everything.

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