Tuesday, January 8, 2013

What Makes a Mother

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and l closed my eyes.
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and
I know I heard Him say,

A mother has a baby.
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother
when you baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
and others I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My mommy loved me, Oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom
who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy. oh so much,
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
"'Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see my dear sweet one,
your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME
until you lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a mother---
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
right from the very start.

Though some on earth
may not realize you are a Mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
and know you're the best one.

---Jennifer Wasik---

I found this poem on the internet.  But I wanted to share.  I may come across as completely nuts but I prayed one night when I couldn't sleep to my Michael Sophia.  I asked my baby to bring to the Lord my hurt and sorrow as I couldn't do this anymore.  I needed His guidance and love to embrace me. 

But as I prayed I also felt the embrace of my baby tell me I was never alone.  My baby was just a breath away.  And one day I will hold my baby.  But for now my baby is well loved.  I also felt something deep in me, that as I watched my husband sleep, that I knew he hurt from this too, he just must keep strong for me and the kids.  I knew that night he truly did love me. 

But I think why can't I find that happiness and hold on to it?  I do have good moments but I also have moments of tears and anger.  I just looked to the moment when I would labor and all that I worked for would be placed in my arms where I would embrace my baby with all my love.  But I didn't get that or so I thought. 

I have a birth story just not the typical birth story of happiness.  But yet it is happiness as my baby is in Heaven protecting the family.  I did hold my baby but not the way I expected.  I held my baby inside.   This is God's plan.  This is God's sorrow and yet this is God's happiness.  This is God's great love.  

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